Some of these things might be self-explanatory to some, but for those of us who have always seen the world through a negative lens and always dealt with self-hatred, these tips really do help. Sometimes you need a reminder.
For the past year, I’ve been working on myself. I have specifically been working on my mind. I used to go straight to the negative or worst possible outcome when it came to everything. I’m happy to say that I now, still do that, BUT I am able to catch it and redirect my thoughts. I can say that I am more positive. There’s no way for me to prove this because you don’t know me, and this is all about my own mind, but I urge you to try these for yourself. I also included some research if that makes you feel better. (I’m more inclined to do things if credible research backs it up)
1. Read positive affirmations frequently
I know some of you just rolled your eyes. I understand your frustration when someone tells you that reading affirmations will change your life. I used to be one of those people that believed reading a sentence everyday wouldn’t truly make me love myself or my life. Despite this, I decided to give it a try. I downloaded an app called I am — daily affirmations (download here for apple or here for android) and I currently have a 41-day streak. I can say that reading these affirmations daily for over a month has changed my mindset. I look to more positive things instead of the negative. I also feel better. I’m not sure how that is, but I physically feel better.
While this practice may seem like some other made-up wellness hack, there actually is some neuroscience behind positive affirmations. The whole point of positive affirmations is to read them regularly (you have to give things time to work). And you the brain loves repetition! By repeating self-affirming statements, the brain creates new neural pathways (a series of interconnected neurons that communicate with each other, facilitating communication throughout the brain and body), which create physical connections to the repeated thoughts (Source). Strengthening these pathways makes it easier for the brain to remember these positive thoughts rather than falling back into negative thinking. Research has also found that people who are more positive are less likely to be reactive to emotional stimuli (any external or internal factors that cause our neurons to fire). Research has also found that they are better at regulation their emotional reaction to stressful situations (Source).
One of the psychological theories on positive affirmations is the self-affirmation theory originally popularized by Claude Steele in the 1980s. This theory has 3 main points. First, through positive affirmations, we have a widened narrative about ourselves. We are flexible, multifaceted, and can adapt to any circumstance. Instead of keeping ourselves in a box, we see ourselves taking on any role or identity. Second, we don’t have to be perfect to maintain our self-identity, we just need to be “competent and adequate in different areas that we personally value in order to be moral, flexible, and good.” (Source) Finally, we do things authentically for praise and recognition. With positive affirmations, we don’t say “I am respected and successful in my field” because we just want that praise. We say it because we want to actually deserve it. We deserve it by acting in a way that is true to our goal.
So, what are the benefits and how can you use positive affirmations? The benefits include, self-regulation, positive thinking, higher self-esteem, less stress, more gratitude, more resilient, etc. To use positive affirmations, you should first identify what area in your life needs a little help, whether it be wellness, self-love, health, academics, etc. Then, you need to learn to reframe negative thoughts to positive thoughts. For example, instead of saying “This class is so hard, I’m going to fail,” say “This class is hard, but I will study and pass/succeed.” Your affirmations should be specific and most importantly, realistic. Your affirmations shouldn’t sound like “I’m going to be super rich next year” if you can barely make ends meet and you’re not actively in a position (or looking for one) to make the kind of money that you want. They should also align with your specific goals and values. (Source)
Here are some of my favorites:
“I love and accept myself.”
“I am worthy of love, wealth, and success in all that I do.”
“I am open to new opportunities and experiences.”
“I am Capable of adapting to change and thriving in new situations.”
“I am enough. I have enough.”
“I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.”
“I am resilient in the face of challenges.”
“I prioritize my well-being.”
“I trust my inner guidance and follow it.”
2. Make vision boards
A vision board is a visual representation of your goals. My vision boards are always about the same things. Health, self-care, and practicing positivity. I usually make them digitally on Pinterest, but I wanted to try something new. By regularly looking at your vision board, you are constantly reinforcing your goals and intentions, which makes it easier to achieve them.
Mark Travers, a psychologist, talked with Forbes about the benefits of making a vision board (read here). The first benefit is vision boards help you build confidence. A study found that they encourage self-expression and help people identify their goals, inner strengths, interests, and values. Researchers also found that vision boards make people more confident in their ability to achieve their goals. Next, vision boards help people set clear goals, which makes them more likely to achieve them. Setting challenging, but reachable, goal allows for more effort, performance, and persistence. Next, they encourage self-concordance (the alignment between one’s goals and intrinsic motivations, values and interests). Creating a vision board that is true to you makes you more likely to work towards and commit to your goals. Finally, vision boards rewire the brain. According to Travers visual stimuli can prime certain thoughts, emotions, and behaviors (more on that here).
So, how can you make your own? Travers gave 7 insightful tips:
Set intentions—reflect on your goals and aspirations
Be specific
Use affirmations
Get creative
Review regularly (remember, the brain loves repetition)
Take action—along with visualization, you should take real action towards your goals
Celebrate your progress
Here’s another article that really gets into the psychology and neuroscience (very interesting, highly recommend): Vision Boards and Psychology
3. Write down your goals and accomplishments
Why write your goals? Neuroscientists say that writing down your goals causes encoding. Encoding is the biological process by which the things we perceive travel to our brain’s hippocampus where they’re analyzed (Source). From there, our brain decides what goes to our long-term memory and what leaves the brain. Simply put, writing things down makes things more likely to be remembered. Neuropsychologists identified what they call the generation effect. The generation effect basically means that people are more likely to remember something they made or wrote themselves rather than just something they read (Source). So, we know why we should write our goals, but why should we write our accomplishments? Writing down your accomplishments, especially ones that were surprising or hard, prove that you can do hard things. It allows you to look back at the goals you’ve already reached and motivates you to keep pushing for your current goals.
How can you set these goals? A widely accepted goal setting practice, one that I’ve done in school, is SMART goals (Source). SMART goals are outline like this:
Specific- they define the who, want, when, where, and why
Measurable- you can track your progress
Attainable- they should be within your ability to reach them
Realistic- dream big but not too big
Timeframe- this is a guideline, not a constraint (you can always change it)
4. Journaling
Journaling about any and everything has helped me be more reflective. I used to be so put off by journaling because I thought that I would have to journal every single day for it to be effective. That’s not true. You really only need to journal when you feel the need to. And there’s more than just one way to journal. If you’re one of those people whose thoughts move too fast to write down, you can record yourself or your voice.
Many psychologists agree that writing your thoughts makes you less stressed, more introspective, allows you to organize chaotic thoughts, and helps you process emotional or traumatic events (Source). Other research shows that journaling improves sleep quality, boosts immunity, improves emotional and physical health, and lowers blood pressure. Some practical applications of journaling are cognitive behavioral therapy, emotional release, and targeted reflection (Source).
Here’s another article about the benefits of journaling for mental health: 5 Benefits of Journaling for Mental Health
If you’re struggling with journaling, you can try out these prompts: Journal Prompts
5. Do what makes you happy
Personally, doing things that I like rather than trying to fit in eventually leads me to realize that I can be happy, and be a more positive person. I found this article that talks about the path to happiness, and I thought I’d share. First, the article talks about feeling good, which they describe as seeking pleasure in any way you can and minimizing pain. Next, they talk about engaging fully. You should participate in activities that engage you fully, that puts you in a state of flow (we’ll get into this later). Next is doing good. Stepping outside of yourself and doing things for other people allows you to be grateful for what you have and to align what you do with your values.
What is flow and how do you know you’re in it? Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian psychologist studied people’s satisfaction in their everyday activities, finding that “people report the greatest satisfaction when they are totally immersed in and concentrating on what they are doing” which he called flow. So, how do you know you’re in flow? You lose track of time, you aren’t thinking about yourself, you aren’t interrupted by extraneous thoughts, you’re active in what you’re doing, and you work effortlessly.
Next, I found an article by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky that talks about the science of positive activities and how to implement them (read here). The takeaway that I wanted to share was her explanation of how to make positive activities work for you:
Choose activities that align with your personality
Balance frequency and variety
Start small and scale gradually
Consider the cultural context
Prioritize intrinsic motivation
6. Engage with positive media
You should try to engage with positive and motivational media whether it be YouTube videos, TikToks, books, movies, articles, etc.
Here are a couple articles about how social media can be used positively:
7 positive impacts of social media
The positive impact of social media on mental health
Social media: keep it positive
My social media is helpful and positive
7. Stop engaging with negative media
On that note, you should stop engaging with media that makes you unhappy and influences your negative thoughts and feelings. You know how it makes you feel, and you can do something about it. There have been countless articles and studies over the years about the negative effects of social media, so I don’t feel the need to link any :)
8. You can always change
Remember that you always have the ability to change. Even if things don’t get better around you, they can get better in your mind!
I also made a YouTube video about the same topic (super proud of it). Show it some love :)
With that being said, I want to leave you with some parting words
“What we do in life echoes in eternity.” — Maximus Decimus Meridius aka the king Russell Crowe
I love the message at the end.
How you choose to perceive things, especially negative things is such a game changer.